Solitude is often associated with an endless stream of loneliness and despair.
But here's the thing, solitude is not the same thing as loneliness. Where the former is intentional, the latter is completely out of the subject's control.
Solitude is often mistaken for loneliness, when it's a whole different beast altogether.
Would you still pretend to use your phone when there's no one around? IMAGE: Michal Pechardo | Unsplash
Social conventions dictate the norm of being surrounded by people (if not a big group, at least one or two other individuals) as the status quo. This whole notion of being among others is merely a social construct that acts as a loose 'guide' on how to live.
But its perception by those unaware of the difference between solitude and loneliness can be dangerous. Solitude is often perceived as a punishment, or something that a person doesn't willingly go through. But it's quite the contrary.
Where loneliness constitutes a kind of unpleasant, limbo-like experience, solitude is the complete opposite. It's peaceful, mindful, and intentional.
Society often looks at those in solitude as hermits, anti-social in nature, and devoid of any social skills.
Solitude is great. Loneliness, not so much. IMAGE: Verne Ho | Unsplash
Harking back to the notion that being surrounded by people is 'normal', anything that goes against the grain is considered strange, peculiar, and downright weird. From a very young age, we're told to make friends at school, at the workplace, and wherever our endeavors take us. But in this day and age, the act of befriending others just for the sake of it has taken on a form of societal pressure.
While making friends is essential to social development and even personal growth, it's not the only thing that helps us become better versions of ourselves.
Those who enjoy solitude aren't antisocial. They have deep and meaningful relationships with others, be it their family, friends, or even significant others. But that doesn't necessarily mean they enjoy being around people 24/7, 365 days. Sometimes it's nice to just spend the entire day alone. Whether you need to get some work done or you're devoting some time to nurturing your hobby, it's always great to to do things without needing to heed the opinions of others.
I'm not shitting on those that can always muster the energy to socialize, power to you. But surely, there are times we all feel like taking a step back, curling up in bed or on the sofa, and just enjoying some alone time.
Nothing in this world is infinite, including our 'social quota.' But that's completely okay.
Solitude doesn't necessarily involve being physically alone. IMAGE: Francesco Ungaro | Unsplash
Some colleagues of mine describe having a 'social quota,' which means they only have the energy and/or willpower to socialize with others up until a certain threshold. Once that quota has been met, it's time for some solitude.
It can even improve the quality of one's life. In Tiziano Terzani's A Fortune Teller Told Me, the Italian journalist found that dedicating a certain amount of time to yourself plays a major role in reducing stress and can also build character.
Sometimes we don't even realize we're engaging in acts of solitude. Mundane, but mentally-engaging activities like reading, writing, and even running require us to fall into some form of self-isolation in order to aide in concentration and efficiency.
I, for one, find myself secluded in the open common area of the office as I'm writing this story, away from the deafening murmurs of complaints, joyful laughter, and the clacking of keyboards in the designated work spaces. I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, the people around you are there when you do feel like socializing.
That's why choosing to be solitary throughout certain periods of the day can be beneficial for people, encouraging you to make the best of your time spent with others, further nurturing your existing relationships, and even fostering new ones at the same time.
A little alone time every now and then can actually benefit you in the long run.
'Me' time is the best time. IMAGE: Simon Migaj | Unsplash
Studies show that people who engage in meaningful stints of solitude end up developing a higher level of independence and resourcefulness than those who choose to constantly surround themselves with people.
When you're all alone, the only person that can help you out is yourself. When you're around others, it's almost instinctual to ask them for help when you need it, even if you can do said task yourself.
Solitude teaches us to fend for ourselves (not in the stuck-in-the-wilderness kind of way, but in terms of being able to rely on yourself to get shit done), often times forcing us to self-reflect on our strengths and weaknesses. When we're distracted with the daily grind of life, we end up putting little to no attention toward self-improvement and more importantly, self-love.
When we're left to our own devices, we have complete freedom to do what we want. This means we're able to pursue our own personal endeavors without the need for validation from those around us. It's a green light for you to work on that passion project you've always wanted to do, get some spring cleaning done, or even some insightful planning for the future.
At the end of the day, what matters most is being able to devote time to yourself, away from outside influences, to just accept yourself, to be yourself, and to ultimately act on your deepest ambitions, regardless of what they may be.
In the grand scheme of things, it's okay to just say "fuck it, why not?"
We all deserve time to ourselves.
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Cover image sourced from Zachary Young / Unsplash.
