Welcome to No Shame November! This week we're diving into the pop culture we love (or hate) that society tells us we shouldn't.
To paraphrase a line from one of the greatest rom-coms of all time, When Harry Met Sally, "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I hate Danny Castellano."
Castellano, played by the devastatingly handsome Chris Messina, is a character on Mindy Kaling's 2012 comedy series The Mindy Project. He's an intelligent, wealthy, leather jacket-wearing OB-GYN who's easy on the eyes, but don't let that fool you. As far as TV crushes go, Danny's as horrible as they come. (Yes, even worse than Dean in Season 4 of Gilmore Girls.)
The series quickly establishes that Mindy Lahiri (Mindy Kaling) and Danny are workplace enemies. As seasons pass, they become friends, fall for each other, get engaged, and even have a son named Leo. If Danny were any kind of worthy TV crush, things probably would have worked out with him and Mindy. But because he's a narcissistic Staten Island mama's boy with an ego the size of Italy, the two broke up in Season 4. His character was largely absent for the show's final two seasons, and for that I'm grateful.
Now, before I drag this man to hell, I want to note that Danny's dad did abandon him when he was a kid, and his ex-wife cheated on him. I get why he's cynical and harbors so many trust issues. I simply wish he'd gone to therapy or found a healthier way to unpack and manage his negative emotions, rather than setting out to be the world's biggest grump and treating everyone in his life like garbage.
I have no shame in hating Danny, and I could never quite wrap my head around him as the love of Mindy's life or the major crush of the series. Sure he's handsome and occasionally tries to be a decent person, but he also waves red flags left and right. I wanted to like him, and I had high hopes for his redemption, but he's a toxic, emotionally abusive man who fans of the show shouldn't romanticize.
Need some more convincing? Let's review some of Castellano's cringiest characteristics.
He's sexist and constantly puts Mindy down
Danny claims to love Mindy, but in reality, he hates all women who aren't his mother. He says things like, "I'd be more confident in the car's navigation system if it was a guy's voice," and automatically assumes he's going to crash if a woman is flying his plane. He also criticizes Mindy's fashion sense, weight, and physical appearance on the regular. Meanwhile, he walks around wearing glasses with a wrap-around neck band that separate at the bridge and everyone kindly lets him be.
He feels superior to women, yet he's threatened by their independence and success. And it should come as no surprise that his views on masculinity are remarkably antiquated as well. I mean, the dude calls When Harry Met Sally "a fantasy that undermines the dignity of men" and urges the male protagonist to "go out and get laid" instead of fighting for love. Normally I'd scream "who hurt you?" But I already know.
In Danny's mind, being a man means having a driver's license, busting out a baseball bat to protect a woman in distress, and punching a fellow bro in the face if he shows up to a Springsteen show wearing a John Cougar Mellencamp shirt. Truly tragic.
He's controlling and manipulative
Danny isn't just offensive and condescending, he's also manipulative as hell. Remember when he tried to sabotage Mindy's chance at a Stanford teaching fellowship? Or that time he catfished her by pretending to be a hot guy she saw on the subway, then stood her up on the Empire State Building? What about all the times he tried to meddle with her romantic relationships because he couldn't stand to see her in love while he was alone? And remember when he cheated on his fiancé just because him and Mindy got stuck in an elevator and he couldn't control himself for a few freaking minutes?
When Mindy and Danny finally got together he did everything he could to keep their relationship a secret, then he changed his mind about wanting marriage and lied to get out of meeting her parents. Sure, he tried to make up for it by flying to Mumbai to meet them on his own, but that grand gesture could have been avoided entirely if he'd just followed through on his original commitment. The act of royally fucking up and trying to smooth things over by pulling out the big guns is classic Danny. But it doesn't charm me, and it shouldn't charm you either.
After Mindy had Leo, Danny repeatedly tried to guilt her into becoming a stay-at-home mom and giving up her career, despite her saying she wanted to keep working. Then, when Mindy was unsure if she wanted to have another baby, Danny started tracking her ovulation days in hopes of tricking her into getting pregnant. How fucked up is that?
Deep down, Mindy knows what Danny's like
While Mindy does genuinely love Danny — at one point she goes so far as to call him "the best man" she's ever dated — even she's aware of his toxic traits.
She's described Danny as "a bitter divorcee ... stewing over a lifetime of rage and regret" and she acknowledged that he has a way of talking her out of things she wants to do. But she summed Danny up best in Season 2, Episode 14, "The Desert."
After enduring yet another day of his bullshit, Mindy confronted Danny with this brutally honest realization:
"When I first met you I thought, 'Wow that guy is so handsome and smart. How could he be single? He's such a catch.' Then I got to know you better, and I realized, you're mean. You're mean and you are selfish. You're just like your dad. No you know what you're worse than your dad. Cause your dad changed."
Mindy eventually apologizes for her comments, but you know what? She was right.
The glimmers of hope aren't enough
If diehard fans of Danny Castellano were to fight me, they'd probably reference the few times we've seen Danny prove he's capable of kindness.
We've seen glimpses of Danny displaying empathy and real care for Mindy, like when he returned to her Christmas party to comfort her after learning her boyfriend was cheating on her, or when he gave her the gift of dance by busting a move to Aaliyah's "Try Again" in her office. But glimmers are fleeting, and a good crush require steady sparks.
I may have given Danny some grace if he'd shown lasting character growth, but he's no less selfish and insufferable in the finale than he was in the pilot. Season 6 ends with the possibility of Mindy and Danny reconciling. The two share a kiss in the hospital and Mindy admits she's never stopped loving him. But just before you can root for them, Danny shows his true colors by asking her to move to Tribeca with him, change her last name, and once again work to accommodate his inflexible ass.
Danny weeps when his favorite sandwich place closes, screams at his little radio when the Mets lose, and crafts an expert-level gingerbread house for hours, but brings no emotional range to his romantic relationships. Everything has to be done his way, on his terms, or it's wrong. And he's not open to changing, so he's not worth Mindy's time or ours.
You can still swoon over Chris Messina the actor, but it's time to cross Danny Castellano off your list of TV crushes.
The Mindy Project is now streaming on Hulu.
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