How to prepare yourself for anal sex

A comprehensive guide to anal training for beginners.

Mashable SEA Sept. 8, 2022

Anal sex can be full of pleasurable sensations and mind-blowing orgasms. Though anal sex is capable of being amazing, if you're new to it, you can’t dive straight into penetration and hope for the best. You need to prepare your body and your booty through anal training. "Anal training" refers to the steps and exercises that get your anus ready for butt sex. Gradually building your tolerance for anal penetration includes, but is not limited to slightly stretching your hole with toys, little by little throughout several weeks. Though it might sound tedious, anal training is a fun part of the anal process and it can be done by yourself, with a partner, or both!

If you’re a complete beginner and you’re unsure of what to do, here’s a detailed guide on how to navigate anal training:

Why is anal training important?

For starters, if you want to enjoy anal sex then preparation beforehand is key. The lining of the anus is thinner than the vagina, and it lacks natural lubrication. Engaging in anal sex without proper training first is incredibly risky because it can lead to painful, and sometimes permanent, injuries such as anal fissures and hemorroids.

Sex educator Javay Frye-Nekrasova, MEd (also known as The Millennial Sexpert) says that anal training is also important because it’ll help you to better understand your body. "If you train for anal, you will better understand what is pleasurable and can express that to a partner."

So, if you want safe, pleasurable, pain-free anal sex then you have to be more intentional about it.

What you need for anal training

First and foremost, you’ll need an understanding, stigma-free mind. Unfortunately, there’s still so much shame around anal sex and the potential of making a "mess" during the experience. However, feeling at ease with your butthole and its bodily functions is a non-negotiable part of any anal play. Luckily, you may not have to worry about it as much as you think you will.

Dr. Evan Goldstein, anal surgeon and founder of Bespoke Surgical and Future Method, says: "The good news is that unless your bowel movements aren’t great, you’ve eaten something recently that you know will upset your digestion, or you actually feel the urgency to use the bathroom, you should be in the clear."

"Just like farts, queefs, and coughs, the body does many different things, which can happen during sex," Frye-Nekrasova adds. "Engage in the activity with someone who understands and accepts that the human body is the human body and things happen, and it is okay."

Now that you’re mentally prepared, let’s discuss the toys and accessories you’ll need.

"I recommend people invest in an anal dilator kit, which typically comes with three toys in small, medium, and large sizes," Goldstein states. "Some come with a fourth, which is great if your ambitions are bigger-than-average, but for most people, this one isn’t necessary."

"Silicone lube is the best lube for anal play. It’s super slick and long-lasting, which is exactly what you want to help minimize any negative friction during dilation and eventually sex."

However, if you’re using silicone toys for anal play instead of body parts, use water-based lube or a hybrid lube instead because silicone lube may deteriorate the material of the sex toy. For water-based lube, Frye-Nekrasova recommends a thicker, gel-type water-based anal lube for toys and plugs, such as Sliquid Sassy or Sutil Rich Luxe.

Mental preparation? Check. Trainers and lube? Got it. But, what about douching?

Here’s the bottom line. In moderation, douching is okay, but it’s not necessary. "What most people don’t realize is that douching alone isn’t the magical panacea to being ready for anal sex," Goldstein states. "What ends up happening is that people feel the need to douche before anal sex because their gut health isn’t as optimal as it should be."

It’s important to maintain a high fiber diet (e.g., fresh fruits, vegetables, leafy greens, whole grains, and unprocessed bran), as this can help the consistency of our bowel movements become more bulky, smooth, and complete. Most people won’t consistently consume enough fiber to have nearly zero traces of poop in their rectum. However, it helps to take fiber supplements.

When taking fiber supplements, Goldstein adds that it’s important to pair that with a pre and probiotic to help replenish the anal microbiome. So, take your pre and probiotic in the morning and then your fiber supplement before bed to kickstart your digestion and prepare your body to poop after waking up. Goldstein also warns that our bodies may need a couple of weeks to adjust to the fiber supplements, so it’s recommended to monitor how well they’re working for at least a month.

Now, time for the physical part of the anal training process.

1. Clean your hole.

Before you rush out and buy an enema kit, you should know that tap water and store-bought enemas should not be used to prepare for bottoming. Regular enemas strip the anus’s lining of essential nutrients, which can lead to micro cuts or tears and increase the chance of contracting HIV or other STIs.

As an alternative, consider using anal douche powder packs to mix with water (one powder pack mixed with half a cup of water should work). They’re compatible to use with any bulb, as seasoned douchers often have their favorite, and can be used on the go, anytime. Bonus points for the packs being TSA compliant, so yes, you can travel with them too. The packs have a body-safe formula with a pH-balanced, isotonic, and iso-osmolar solution. In layman’s terms, the ingredients are compatible with your body’s natural chemistry.

Anal sex carries the highest risk of transmitting HIV and other STIs. To minimize the risk of STI transmission, the penetrating partner should wear a condom during anal sex. Avoid oil-based lubricants because they can damage latex condoms. Water-based and silicone-based lubricants are safer to use with condoms. Another thing to keep in mind is that you can go from vaginal to anal, but not the other way around.

"It is not recommended to go from anal play to vaginal play because there is a risk of transferring harmful bacteria," Frye-Nekrasova informs. "If you feel so called to go from anal to vaginal, you will need to clean all inserting objects (penises, toys, fingers, etc). If you are using a condom, then switching condoms would be a crucial step."

2. Allow your body to get turned on without penetration.

A crucial part of anal training is getting your ass acquainted to touch. It might be your natural reaction to tense up your body and squeeze at the slightest touch down there, but it’s important to relax as much as possible. The best way for this to happen is by getting into a comfortable position and massaging the outside of the anus. When using fingers, you can wear nitrile gloves for an extra layer of protection. If not, keep in mind to keep your nails clipped because jagged and long nails can easily tear the delicate skin of the rectum and anus. Also, dirty fingers can introduce bacteria that could lead to an infection. For those reasons, it may be better to stick with anal-approved toys for training as opposed to using fingers.

3. Ease your way to penetration, starting with anal dilating kits and toys.

Start with the smallest anal dilator then gradually work your way up to the medium size, and then finally the largest, giving yourself about two weeks of exercises with each size.

"From start to finish, it’s about six weeks before actual anal sex should take place," Goldstein describes. "Patience is key here — rushing through these exercises won’t work because your skin and muscle need the appropriate time to stretch and strengthen."

Goldstein suggests setting aside two or three days per week (with a rest day in between — just like the gym) and 3-5 minutes each day for anal training. "During each session, first insert the dilator about 4-5cm into the anus, right beyond where the muscle lies. It'll take 4-6 times to insert successfully because those muscles need time to relax."

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! You’ll likely find yourself more comfortable with engaging in anal sex at this point.

Ultimately, when you transition from anal training to anal sex, remember to give yourself some patience to adjust. Instead of being goal-oriented, focus on communication and pleasure. If something feels good, proceed slowly. If something feels painful, don’t push yourself. It’s okay to stop and try again another time or take breaks!

One could say anal training is more of a marathon and not a sprint, but it isn’t exactly a race at all. Remember, your anal sphincter is a ring of muscles, so it has muscle memory. Right now you’re a complete beginner. One day you’ll become an anal pro. Even as you get to a more advanced level, anal training is still an important practice to keep in your sexual repertoire. You may be able to take an eight-inch penis without problems by next month, but if you don’t train the muscle memory of your anus, then you may find that you’ll be unable to take those inches the next time you’re having anal sex. That isn’t necessarily a cause for concern though. It just means your butt has been out of commission for a while and needs training again. Ultimately, if you want something inside your butt, training beforehand is key and protection is important/mandatory.