Arcadia Kim usually has no problem with her three children enjoying time on their various screens. She even launched an effort called Infinite Screen Time to dismantle the guilt parents feel about the devices in our kids’ hands.
But on week four of her kids’ virtual learning after their Hong Kong schools closed in January, Kim started fretting about the hours they were spending on technology for school, which runs from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m., and then free time.
“You’re seeing your child on the screen so much, and it’s, even for the Infinite Screen Time mom, a jarring experience,” Kim said.
As schools across the country and around the world shut down for weeks and months because of the coronavirus pandemic, parents are grappling with how they’ll ever keep their kids occupied when we’re all supposed to keep to ourselves.
“They are going to be fine with extra screen time over the next couple of weeks,"
Blowing up screen time limits may seem like the obvious choice for frazzled parents juggling their own remote work responsibilities. And that’s OK right now. A pandemic is no time for parents to set sail on some screen-time guilt trip.
“They are going to be fine with extra screen time over the next couple of weeks,” said Sierra Filucci, editorial director of Common Sense Media. “As long as you’re choosing age-appropriate content, you’re not going to do any major damage to your kids.”
Here’s how parents can help their kids of all ages manage their technology use.
For preschool and elementary school kids with no homework
Dora the Explorer and Daniel Tiger might seem like the perfect babysitters for toddlers, preschoolers and young grade schoolers, who may be running wild underfoot. Turn them on.
If you’re hunting for new sources to engage your kids, Common Sense Media has lists of top educational apps and TV shows, video games and books for kids ages 2 to teen. Khan Academy and Originator also offer educational apps for young kids.
“If you need half an hour to have a conference call or take a shower, choose some high-quality media and sit them down in front of it,” Filucci said. “There’s lots of great stuff out there, and there’s good research that shows that little kids can learn from really high-quality educational media.”
Georgene Troseth, associate professor of psychology at Vanderbilt University, who has conducted some of that research, said parents often worry their kids will miss out on some other important activity when they fall back on technology.
“But, if what it’s replacing is the mom going berserk or it’s replacing the screaming or it’s replacing the fighting,” Troseth said, “it sounds pretty good.”
Troseth recommends that parents use a variety of media to keep their youngest entertained. Turn on the TV, video chat with grandma and flip through picture books. Parents can be hands off, she said, but they should also check in.
For teens, let them know they’re not required to respond to every text.
“Children can learn from media by themselves and do,” Troseth said. “But in many cases, they learn a lot more if parents are at least poking their head in the learning and supporting them when it seems to be helpful and backing off when it’s not needed.”
And when kids start displaying some bad behavior after watching a few episodes of “Caillou,” it might be time to move to something else. “Parents know their children best,” she said.
Outside time (based on health officials’ latest recommendations), block and pretend play, reading, puzzles, coloring, indoor obstacle courses and other no-tech games and experiences remain important too. Keep it simple. “This is nothing genius,” Filucci said.
Older kids with schoolwork
For older kids, the days might begin on the laptop completing virtual lessons and then continue with more time on social media or gaming. Add up the hours, and it’s a lot of time staring into a screen. “It just didn’t seem right,” Kim said of her own experience.
It was her oldest child, a seventh grader, who finally told her to chill out. “He said, ‘There are two different kinds of screen time — there’s screen time we’re doing for school and screen time we’re doing because we need to relax,” she remembers. Experts say both experiences are important right now.
For kids with virtual school, it may be a struggle to keep them motivated, said Jeff Greene, a professor of educational psychology at UNC-Chapel Hill.
To keep kids on track, build a daily routine that includes starting school, offering breaks and adding in recess at the usual times, Greene said. Create a dedicated space for learning, away from high-traffic areas, to prevent distractions. Apps that shut down social media or specific websites or help kids stay focused also can help. But what really is key are the discussions you’re having with your child.
“Ultimately, a conversation with the student is really important,” said Greene, who studies online learning. “We know that motivation and interest and volition are all more likely when students feel like they have choice, when they feel competent, when they feel cared for and understand the value of what they’re doing.”
Away from schoolwork, parents should understand that socialization is critical for tweens and teens. So, parents should think hard before cutting off ways they can virtually check in with their friends just because they’re spending hours on their laptop for school.
But parents should still regularly talk with their kids to ensure those online connections remain healthy, said Ana Homayoun, author of Social Media Wellness. Consider limiting group chats for kids in fourth through sixth grade, she said, because they can become overwhelming. For teens, let them know they’re not required to respond to every text. “Help them understand they can opt out,” she said.
For her part, Kim, whose second, fourth and seventh grader will be out of school until at least April 20, has dropped her screen-time worries and is taking the long view. The family, who is currently in Hawaii, goes on hikes and bike rides, but they’ve also watched the director’s cut of the Lord of the Rings series together.
“I don’t want the narrative of my time during this coronavirus homeschool thing to be about remember when my mom was on me every single day about how much screen time I was getting, and she was driving me up the wall when the world was so stressful to begin with,” she said. “I want to change that to remember that time when we were forced to be all together and how we had so much fun and created some interesting memories.”
