How to start living your best Zoom party life

Humans are social animals. Even the most introverted among us have a strong need to feel that we're part of a network of people that appreciate us. And there has never been a better way of creating or reinforcing that feeling, fast, than having a party.

So as we come to terms with our new COVID-19 reality, as open-ended lockdowns, social distancing. and shelter-in-place orders descend across the world, it's no surprise that video parties have exploded in popularity. Zoom — a free app and web service designed to handle multiple live videos at once without stuttering or crawling — seem best equipped to fill this primal need.

Zoom is a business service with premium tiers; it wasn't exactly designed for soirees. But as often happens with emerging technology, we're adapting it anyway. What seemed dull in a work context is suddenly infused with life. Zoom's Brady Bunch-style "gallery" view, seen above, is easily the best setting for a party in the coronavirus age — as I can attest from a week of attending events posted by Zoom-loving Facebook friend groups.

But that doesn't mean it's always easy to have fun. Here are the tips and tricks we've picked up over the course of that week. Once you're a Zoom party pro, you can use some of these features to spice up the occasional dull Zoom-based work meeting too — if you use them sparingly.

1. Be aware of the risks and constraints.

There are no free lunches in tech land. Zoom, as we've noted, isn't the most privacy-friendly of companies. The service can tell a host whether you're showing the main window — a feature designed to help managers make sure you're not playing Solitaire instead of paying attention. Meetings can be recorded, so make sure you trust your host. And Zoom itself shares some data about users, but not the calls themselves, with third parties.

You might want to avoid using your work-based Zoom account altogether, and link one to your personal email. You can have endless parties with up to 100 people on the free tier. The only constraint is that each "meeting" can last no more than 40 minutes. If your friends don't mind you restarting the party every 40, great. Otherwise, the cheapest tier where the party never stops is $15 a month. It might be worth it, at least for this month.

And on that note, don't worry about attendance. So you invited 50 friends and 5 showed up? Have fun with those 5. Don't judge the others, or indeed judge anyone who drops off any call for any reason at any time. We've all got a lot going on right now, emotionally speaking. Reminders of the social occasions we can no longer have are hard for some. It almost certainly isn't about you.

2. Decide if it's public or private. Set expectations.

One of the business features of Zoom can, in the context of a large public gathering where you don't know everyone, be rightly considered a bug. By default, every participant can share their computer or phone screen with the group, with no warning.

How badly could that be abused? Pretty badly, as the first victims of "Zoombombing" found out last week. Disruptive internet denizens joined public Zoom chats, with professional speakers, to bombard them with porn. Hosts panicked and shut down meetings. Zoom responded with its own list of tips and tricks to keep out party crashers, including the use of a "waiting room" for wannabe attendees.

Still, it's probably a good idea to start your Zoom party career with smaller private affairs, at least until you're familiar enough with Zoom's settings to turn off the screen-sharing default for all but a few trusted people.

Which member of your circle has that one friend who thinks it's a scream to spoil things for others? In these trying times, maybe it's best not to risk finding out. Everyone you or your friends give a Zoom link to can join and potentially Zoombomb, so don't be afraid to ask them to keep it to themselves or ask you before sharing.

3. Pick a theme. Get creative.

Image: Zachary Reiss-Davis

Once you've got your Zoom group and its boundaries sorted, it's time to think about what kind of party you want to attend — and what makes sense within the constraints of this technology.

The traditional kind of IRL party, where everyone stands around and talks in small groups, would be a pointless cacophony here. There has to be some kind of conch shell so everyone doesn't talk at once. Having a single host (as most parties do) can help with this.

And if you're the host of a big Zoom party, designate a helper: Corralling a bunch of humans can be harder than you think.

Ideally, you need a theme. The more specific you can be beyond the vanilla "happy hour," the better. One aspect of real-world parties that translates very well to Zoom is dressing up. Fancy dress is great: Many of us still have Halloween costumes hanging in a closet. Suggesting formal wear is another easy way to break out of the work-from-home sweatpants rut, boosting your morale in the process.

"I got together with some girlfriends yesterday and we all put on gowns and makeup and poured a glass of champagne," one friend told me. "So much more galvanizing than just the chat would have been!"

But it isn't all about clothes. Here are a few highly successful ideas I've seen hosts come up with:

• A Korean-style Mukbang where the host ate ramen in a headdress.

• A reading party where author and TV presenter David Eagleman read short stories from his collection, Sum.

• An Iron Chef-style cocktail game where attendees are invited to create their own concoctions using certain common ingredients.

• A cooking party — especially helpful right now.

• Dances. It doesn't have to be jazzercise or anything practical like that. Just dance in your room; it's less embarrassing and more fun when everyone's doing it.

• Poker and board game nights, where one participant's spare camera device (your phone, say) is logged into the chat, always trained on a board.

• Having one guest who's there to answer questions on a specific topic of expertise, like a Reddit AMA.

Personally, I've started running rounds of March Mindfulness, our annual tongue-in-cheek meditation bracket contest, on Zoom. Now in development: A one-time evening "news broadcast" with myself as anchor and friends using puppets to play reporters.

Listen, this is shaping up to be a long stretch of quarantine. People are going to get bored. The more amusing your concept, the better. If you've always dreamed of seeing yourself on screen in some outlandish way (who hasn't wanted to play the only human in a Muppet movie?), now's the time. You'll never find your friends more willing to try anything you suggest.

4. The mute button and the chat window are your friends.

Another annoying default feature of video chats is the way they're designed to switch to a given video feed any time sound comes from it. This makes sense in terms of conversation, but it also means that any sound at all —a closing door, a barking dog, a howling child — can switch the main screen or drown out someone else's audio. (The former isn't a problem on Zoom's gallery view; the latter is a problem everywhere, always.)

Until AI gets smart enough to recognize that these sounds are not the same as humans talking and block them out automatically, there's only one rule of etiquette that makes sense: Mute yourself by default. Then, if any when you really have something to say to the whole group, unmute yourself. To be extra polite, raise your hand before talking.

Consider the Zoom chat window as a whole other, more subtle tier of conversation. Everyone will see its dialog boxes pop up, so you won't be ignored if you type there. Questions such as "wait, what did they just say about X?" are best handled here, so they don't break the flow. Hosts could designate helpers to watch the chat window for important questions or points of order.

You can also chat privately with anyone in the meeting — the Zoom equivalent of going into the kitchen for a quiet word.

5. Change your background.

Whether or not your party has a theme or a dress code, consider your background. Zoom makes it fairly easy to change, and is smart enough to fill everything on your screen that isn't you with any photo you select. A green-screen-style single-color background in your room is helpful to make the illusion complete. Although, if you don't mind your limbs appearing to disappear occasionally, it's not necessary.

Zoom backgrounds are the place where we're seeing a lot of emergent creativity. You can even use a looping video of yourself to fool others — though you should use that power wisely.

Changing your background is useful in work meetings, where a tasteful image can help mask the chaos of your living room. In Zoom parties, it's more about showing your flair and amusing your friends. Let your freak flag fly. In fact, if you want to design a literal flag for your new quarantined island nation, and make it literally fly in a looping video, have at it.

6. Two words: Sight gags.

If you really want to amuse your friends and you're sheltering in place with someone, you can get more creative by turning your background off and plotting some shenanigans.

Think of the worst BBC Dad-style embarrassment that could happen on a professional Zoom call; in a party context, that's bonus content. The above example, from Italy, may well be staged, but it's a perfect example of what's possible.

7. Drinking is nice, but it isn't necessary.

We've already mentioned drinking alcohol in and on Zoom parties. As in real life, it can be a fun social lubricant that can take the edge off. But also as in real life, it needs to be handled responsibly. Remember, not all of your friends drink. And contrary to the weird beer ad above, the focus of your video gathering should never be entirely on the booze itself.

We are social animals, after all. And your friends' faces, voices and physical presences are the fix you really need right now.

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